ITS PAT!

A Major Change is Coming

2005-11-15T22:59:00.000-05:00

Check back soon for the new and improved patweitzel.com and "Its Pat!"

The Decline and Fall of South Park

2005-10-20T13:02:00.000-04:00

Last night's South Park season premiere was ridiculously, utterly, lame. And here's why. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have injected their right-wing apologist politics into their new material, almost as much as The Simpsons have gradually become a paradoxical Murdoch-sponsored mouthpiece for the left. Both are quickly dwindling into the doldrums of unfunniness, to be supplanted by the resurrected Family Guy, et al.

The problem with South Park is this. Many episodes end with a corny "I've learned something today" theme, and although the two slackimators have previously poked fun at the morality play cliche, they continue to make turn their situations in their show into a twisted recreation of current events and getting their message across as the common sense "lesson" that the kids learn in the end. Therein lies the problem, my friends. Although I'll be the first to chuckle at the senselessness of extreme cosmetic surgery, or NAMBLA members who think they're the real victims, I completely disagree with giving Bush/FEMA/local officials a free pass on the Katrina debacle.

The South Park analogy last night was off base on several points, the first being that all available efforts were made to rescue people in Louisiana. By and large, people who were capable of providing help didn't stand around, blaming people and freaking out over global warming at the expense of any of the victims. However, global warming is a serious concern and if people aren't held to task for their shortcomings in preparedness, things won't ever improve. Ask the creators of South Park, apparently, and people who believe thusly are as nuts as the frantic townspeople in the show.

South Park has become an example of when common sense isn't common sense. I appreciate hyperbole, but in this case, it's been overdone to make a point on a matter that many intelligent people see differently. I've also appreciated in the past that the South Park duo didn't always inject their politics into their show. I wish they (and The Simpsons for that matter) would go back to what made their shows hilarious in the first place, and quit trying to become so topical that you alienate the fans that can't take such a simplified, stupified view of complex issues.

New Photos

2005-10-10T20:07:00.000-04:00

Oasis at Blossom Music Center, 9.30.2005.

Widely regarded as the best show of the '05 US tour, the show was highlighted by the usual favorites, an electric "Guess God Thinks I'm Abel," and several dozen raucous fans rushing the stage during the finale to hug/shake hands with Noel and Liam. I was there, in the front row. Liam even signed my album cover as he was exiting the stage.

http://community.webshots.com/album/473633987WlaBHY

John Mellencamp Rules

2005-09-19T21:19:00.000-04:00

I was completely gutted a few weeks ago when John Mellencamp had to cancel his scheduled show in Cleveland due to his Farm Aid obligations. Understandable, but still disappointing. Since I bought my ticket online, TicketScammer (convenient yes, fair no) automatically refunded me without me having to send it back. So, stuck with a ticket to a show that wasn't going to happen, I sent it off to Mr. Mellencamp at his PO Box in Bloomington in the hopes of getting it autographed.

Less than 4 weeks later (the dude is on tour to boot, I wasn't expecting anything for months), I get my ticket back in the mail today, signed, personalized, and dated. How awesome.

Quite possibly, the most bizarre thing I've ever done

2005-08-20T00:16:00.000-04:00

http://home.cwru.edu/~rpw5/boris/

I Wear a LiveStrong Wristband

2005-07-13T20:32:00.000-04:00

My buddy John recently purchased a cache of Lance Armstrong Foundation "LiveStrong" wristbands, and parlayed them off on his friends for the crazy low price of $1. I'd have paid up to $1.49, nay, possibly even $1.65 for a rubberized accessory of similar brightness and quality, so I consider it quite the value. On first glance, this heavy duty, engraved, seamless, hypo-allergenic, festive rubber wristband seems almost obscenely underpriced -- certainly not on par with the funky key-topped cans of mystery meat and generic, no-ADA-seal-in-sight toothpaste at the dollar store.

But if you cleverly turn the band inside out, you notice the secret to the Lance Armstrong Foundation's penny-saving strategy. "MADE IN CHINA" proudly gleams as an indication that overseas outsourcing isn't just limited to tech support lines and bukkake videos, but the most appropriate manufacturing supply for symbols that remind us that "unity is strength, knowledge is power, and attitude is everything" [LAF website] is an oppressive, brutal communist regime that would rather flaunt its throbbing nuclear ramrod than allow the 8-year-old girl that lovingly placed my wristband in its clear cellophane wrapper at the rubber wristband factory to go to school.

All this aside, Lance Armstrong is a douchebag. Sure, he's one hell of a cyclist. He's also one hell of a wife-dumper, poor sport, and yeah, probably a doper. He makes Americans pretend they give a crap about cycling (quick, name another pro cycler), and gives us another sacred cow to revere as someone who can't possibly be anything but the perfect human being. He survived cancer for God's sake!!! He puts the French in their place better than any drunk Bill O'Reilly clone ever could!!! He's cute!!! "I don't care if he's a pro athlete, there's no possible way he could be a douchebag!"

Get over him. He rarely finishes remarkably well in any other races, plus I imagine having only one real testicle makes suffering through the ball-crunching effects of sitting on one of those bike seats only half as painful. I'll wear the damn wristband (for a week or so before I lose it somewhere), but "LiveStrong" should mean being strong enough to not put up with any sort of bullshit whatsoever, be it in the form of a malignant tumor, incompetent teenage Taco Bell cashier, soulless communist dictatorship, or idiots who turn to the latest flavor-of-the-month holy celebrity for inspiration.

Wow.

2005-06-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

Worth every penny, and every second of anticipation.

http://community.webshots.com/album/377101221HnjozM

Oasis still matters

2005-06-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

Thought they were washed up? Think again. Here's why ...

By BILL HARRIS -- Toronto Sun

The dismissal of Oasis as nothing more than a Beatles copy band is the most lazy musical analysis ever foisted upon the public.

Through sheer repetition, it has been accepted as truth by people who couldn't name or even identify three Oasis songs.

But as the Gallagher brothers themselves might say: Don't believe the truth.

Let's make one thing clear: I'm the biggest Beatles guy ever. As wide as my tastes are, John, Paul, George and Ringo have been No. 1 on my depth chart from the time I was a humming infant.

And, for the record, I think Oasis is brilliant.

Not every Oasis song is a gem (not every Beatles song was, either). And not every utterance from the tart tongue of Noel Gallagher, or the marble mouth of Liam Gallagher, is worthy of inscription on a plaque in their hometown of Manchester, England.

But for my entertainment buck, the batting average of Oasis -- as singers, songwriters and occasionally outrageous personalities -- continues to be far higher than any of its contemporaries.

Respecting both the Beatles and Oasis, rather than pitting them against each other in a bizarre cross-generational rivalry, won't endear me to everyone, I suppose.

And a lot of folks won't like this, either, but here goes: While I recognize the quality of fellow British bands such as Radiohead and Coldplay, I find them to be, well, a little dour and dull.

Oasis songs, on the other hand, make me want to pick up my guitar and learn how to play them.

Noel Gallagher, the driving force behind Oasis, once said, "We've only got half a dozen good bands in England -- there's Oasis and there's five Oasis tribute bands."

Really, how can you not love a quote like that? But there are plenty who openly cheer for Oasis to fail as punishment for such audacity, whether you take Noel at his word or think he's just screwing around.

Oasis-bashing has become a rock-critic cliche. In response, fans of the group have developed a bunker mentality as they continue to buy tickets to concerts and sing along to almost every song.

Most reviews of the band's new CD, Don't Believe The Truth, have fallen between "not as bad as their worst" and "not as good as their best." That last charge is something Oasis always will have to live with, and it amounts to the price of past success.

Since Oasis burst to the front of the Brit-pop scene in the mid-1990s with two seminal albums -- the impudently catchy Definitely Maybe and the anthem-laden (What's The Story) Morning Glory? -- the Gallaghers constantly have been reminded how each subsequent effort has not measured up. Alanis Morissette, coincidentally, has gone through much the same thing in the past 10 years, post-Jagged Little Pill, and you probably can point to other examples as well.

Not every Oasis CD has been a gem. But how many artists who have been around as long as Oasis can claim to be clunker-free? To my ear, on average, Oasis still has more good songs per CD than the norm. Regardless, many critics continue to focus on the worst of Oasis rather than the best.

Oasis has taken far more abuse than has been warranted. Really, in this God-forsaken era of sampling-addicted rap artists and American Idol squealers topping the charts with the most formulaic drivel in the history of recorded sound, how did Oasis ever become the poster-boys for alleged musical thievery?

Not only is it not fair, it's not accurate.

Listen to Rock 'n' Roll Star, or The Hindu Times, or Lyla, the single from the new CD. The Beatles never sounded like that, folks. Listen to everything Oasis has to offer, rather than picking and choosing certain songs to prove some point about how derivative the band is.

Oasis has its own sound. I can pick it out a mile away.

Do some Oasis songs remind you of Beatles songs? Absolutely. But guess what? Oasis is a British group that plays hard-driving, melodic rock and roll. There are going to be similarities, to the Beatles, to the Who, to T-Rex, to countless others.

I had a good laugh last year when, for the first time in decades, I heard a Rolling Stones song from the mid-1960s called Child Of The Moon. It's the closest thing to an Oasis song that isn't actually an Oasis song I ever have heard, right down to Mick Jagger's vocal. All that's missing is updated instrumentation and Liam's voice, and it would fit snugly onto any Oasis CD.

The point is, just about everything sounds a little like something that came before, if you listen hard enough and have a musical library wide enough to recognize it. Heck, the Raveonettes, a critically acclaimed group from Denmark that played at Lee's Palace in Toronto last weekend, owe much of their sound to the Jesus and Mary Chain and almost all of their harmonies to the Everly Brothers. But no one seems to be up in arms about that.

So why does Oasis get picked on so much?

Part of it has to do with the magnitude of the band's profile. But Oasis also has paid for its perceived arrogance, which I find endearing and even humourous, but others do not.

I recall several years ago when Oasis was playing at Molson Park in Barrie. When Noel Gallagher emerged from backstage, he greeted the assembled throng with the words, "Show some respect for the best f---ing band on the planet!"

I thought it was great. To have the nerve to say that, especially in front of a Canadian crowd that primarily was on hand to see Neil Young, showed incredible rock-and-roll bravado. But as Oasis ducked a shower of plastic water bottles for the rest of the afternoon, I had to listen to the grumbling of those around me who thought Noel's words somehow were inappropriate.

Noel's proclamations through the years -- whether he's bragging unrepentently, or ripping himself, or ripping his bands' rivals, or ripping his brother -- have provided me with more chuckles than any stand-up comedian. He's full of bombast. Personally, I think his musical resume gives him the right to say just about anything he wants. But even if you don't agree, why can't everyone just lighten up? When did popular music become so serious?

That the United States largely has shunned Oasis because of the band's arrogance is the height of irony. It appears the U.S. appreciates "attitude" only when it's homegrown.

But Oasis is not exclusively about crazy quotes and battlin' brothers. It comes back to the music, and I am of the strong opinion that Oasis does not get the credit it deserves.

Oasis still takes me someplace.

A place where guitars still are loud.

A place where singers still sneer.

A place where songs still have tunes, not just beats.

Call it my own personal Oasis.

***

Once again, I hate doing this (copy/pasting a whole article that I didn't write), but I couldn't find a link online and I loved it so much. Emphasis mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zoo Photos

2005-06-04T19:32:00.000-04:00

Went to the zoo today: here's pics.

Musings

2005-06-01T23:30:00.000-04:00

Screw working out, I'm convinced all you need to do as a male these days to attract the physical advances of the opposite sex is to speak with a British accent.

Diet Cherry Coke is now known as Cherry Diet Coke. Please make a note of it.

Ever since I heard it on South Park, "Jesus Tapdancing Christ" is about the funniest curse phrase I've ever heard. I've already worn it out. I wish someone would make a little flash animation where you could make Jesus tapdance. I'd do it, but I'm lazy.

Conan > Dave > Jay.

Could we tear up Mayfield Road any more? Driving through and finding a place to park in Little Italy at 6pm is still slightly more pleasant than gnawing your own leg off.

I'd really enjoy my experiments more if I didn't have to fight this weird Chinese guy in another lab to have some time with the machine I need.

The new nickel with the huge offset Jefferson face on the front and the buffalo on the back -- I swear you can see the buffalo's wang.

Life is too short to drink cheap booze.

The CD burner in my computer in lab doesn't work. This angers me greatly.

Can you believe all this stuff is inside you??? (Click and drag the lines to browse -- it will totally blow your mind)

Red Bull kicks ass.

I still haven't seen the Star Wars movie. I'm going to see it on Monday when its five bucks with free popcorn.

Don't Believe the Truth.

We'll miss you, Reggie

2005-05-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

Smells Like Summer

2005-05-11T20:37:00.000-04:00

It happens every year around this time -- the flowers bloom, birds start crapping all over my windshield, the air gets warmer, and the smell develops. You know, that fresh, slightly damp-feeling concoction of mother nature's pheremones. This is the time of year when I really notice the smell -- come June my olfactory will probably be bored of it, but now, it seems new and intoxicating.

No matter where I am, the smell is kind of a ubiquitous harbinger of summer. It's depressing in a way -- as this is the first summer of my life I'm going to spend pretty much doing the same shit I've been doing the rest of the year -- usually, I associate the smell with a season-long respite for my brain, in places like Culver. This year, and for the foreseeable future, it taunts me in times like this, making me wish I was someplace I'd be happier to call home.

It's been a long time since I updated this, but why be one of those people that posts inane bullshit every day? If you can't say something thoughtful, why say anything? I've been thinking seriously about keeping a personal journal -- something rich in posterity in case I ever become worthy of an authorized biography.

Last weekend, I made a trip home to Indianapolis, and on the way to and back, I listened to the audio version of "Assassination Vacation" by Sarah Vowell. If you don't bring along audiobooks on long car trips, I highly recommend it. It occupies your mind, erases the monotony of staring at white and yellow lane markings, and makes the time fly by. I hate history because my high school teachers made it so damn boring -- but lately I'm discovering the "who" is infinitely more intriguing than the "what" as far as history is concerned. Books that let you into the mind of historical figures are downright inspiring -- I want to live a life that someone will want to write about someday.

That being said, it's been hard lately to find the motivation to accomplish anything. I'm convinced that computers/the internet is 90% responsible for laziness in this day in age. Sarah Vowell explained how James Garfield (the famous dead guy across the street from me) used to sneak off to read scholarly books when he should have been working -- like that was his bored.com. I can't imagine that -- yesterday I spent a half hour surfing Nascar and Oasis fan sites -- at work! I'd be an incredibly dull yet brilliant individual if I could motivate myself to pick up the latest issue of Blood when I'm feeling inclined to goof off.

Still, I'm doing well in school. It's all chugging along, and I'm feeling pretty good about things. Rusty's had a couple crappy races (not even bad by last year's standards, but disappointing), and there's plenty of other little annoyances, but I feel like I'm breaking out of my 6-month-long rut. I don't think anyone who knows me would ever describe me as an optimist, but I'm feeling so inclined lately. Why? No idea -- maybe it's the smell.

Dammit Pat, Why Aren't You Working?

2005-04-12T14:34:00.000-04:00

...because I just snagged front row center seats to the just-announced Oasis (w/Jet and Kasabian) show in Cleveland on Sept 30.

I'm excited.

Heyyyyyyyyy, Lyla!

2005-03-29T19:48:00.000-05:00

This class is going to kick my butt. I'm so confused/frustrated/overwhelmed.

***

Nothing brightens up an otherwise crappy day than getting to hear a new single from your favorite band (after 3 years of wait) on Polish radio a week before expected.

100 Days and Counting

2005-03-14T14:18:00.000-05:00

The countdown has officially begun:
Check it out!

Why are most of my posts lately about drinking and masturbation?

2005-03-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

There's nothing about a rough week that can't be erased by a refeshing, relaxing martini. Here's my recipe:

Pat Weitzel Martini:
4 ice cubes (made only with bottled or filtered tap water)
4 shots Beefeater gin
1 splash Gallo dry vermouth
add gin over ice and add vermouth. shake vigorously until condensation forms on outside of the shaker. uncap and pour over a green marachino cherry in a large martini glass.

Eat the cherry only after you've drank the entire martini. When you taste the sweet, syrupy cherry after it's been soaking in booze, you'll know why I prefer them as my personal martini garnish. I choose green ones because they more closely resemble olives, but leave the stem on.

Martinis are like a woman's breasts. One isn't enough and three is too many. So, I think I'll have another.

Status Check

2005-03-09T12:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of meaningful updates lately, but I've been working on something really cool (hint: look 2 inches to the right). Hasta.

2005-02-26T21:19:00.000-05:00

Carol: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you-...

Melvin Udall: It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.

I Have a Larger Penis than Fred Durst

2005-02-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

Just like what happened to Paris Hilton this week, Fred Durst's T-Mobile sidekick was hacked into recently. What were we lucky enough to find? Well, nothing short of a 3 minute movie of boring, uninspired, been-there-done-that physical intimacy with some random ho. It's times like this when I thank the gods to live in an age of technology that enables us to preserve video evidence of our sexual prowess, only to later have it distributed to the entire world.

All this aside, I feel it's important to point out that my penis is larger than Fred Durst's. Yes, the tattooed Limp Bizkit frontman may be rich and famous, but I'm smarter and more importantly, carry a larger endowment. Now, anytime I feel down on myself, all I have to do is remember that uplifting fact.

Fred does it all for the nookie, and so do I. But I do it with a bigger wang.

One for my Homies

2005-02-24T16:57:00.000-05:00

For the first person who reads this and wishes to take it, here's a code for a free iTunes track from the Diet Pepsi I just finished. The only stipulation is once you use it, post a comment telling me who got it, and what song you selected.

Code: HK3GO 96S6X

(the O after the G may actually be a 0, it was kind of hard to tell)

Numa Numa

2005-02-21T18:57:00.000-05:00

Some hero named Gary Brolsma has made the national news for his video lip synching and dancing to some stupid euro pop song. (It's called "Dragostea din Tea", spiffy). I don't know what the deal is with pleasantly plump people finding ingenious, humerous ways to instantly become internet celebrities, but I want in. Here's my offering:

Click here for "Pat Watching That Stupid Numa Numa Video" (500Kb, WMV)

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid. Have some dignity, people.

Now off to eBay to go sell my Ritz cracker that looks just like Gerard Depardieu.

Rock 'n Roll Star

2005-02-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

Oasis with Special Guest Jet
Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
Wed, Jun 22, 2005 08:00 PM

OH HELL YES!!!

I'm THERE. Email me if you're game.

Update: Tuesday (Fan Club Presale, lasted 10 minutes): Sec 2, Row 0

(15th row, right up front and dead center)

Taking wagers on how fast 20,000 seats will sell out on Saturday... (less than 15 minutes)

Reflections on Yankin' It, Part II

2005-01-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

Masturbation Personality: Woody Allen

What's Your Masturbation Personality?
brought to you by Masturbation Techniques

Reflections on Yankin' It

2005-01-22T15:40:00.000-05:00

100 Million sperm per typical ejaculate (W.H.O. definition of "normal sperm count")
at an average of once a day, for 9 years (you do the math)

equals 328.5 Billion people

over 3 times the estimated number of people that have ever been born (reference)

You gotta bet there's some presidents and NFL quarterbacks in there somewhere
Probably some serial killers too

Tough odds, though.

Facial

2005-01-11T20:57:00.000-05:00

from http://www.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~morph/

Pat as:
a woman

an anime character

an old man (my favorite)

Wine Snobbery

2005-01-04T22:31:00.000-05:00

Something you may not know about me is that I'm a bit of a wine snob. I've been a connoisseur for about three days now, and I think it's going pretty well. I've sampled and purchased several ounces of real actual wine, and not the kind that comes in a box, the real kind that comes in a bottle and you have to use a drill a little hole in the top of the wooden thingy to pour the stuff out. I think that's why some people say their wine as a "woody" flavor sometimes. This is all in my ongoing attempt to make myself feel more attractive to the opposite sex, without actually being more attractive. I usually feel most attractive after I've drank a lot of wine, even though the wine and vomit stains on my clothes are pretty gross.

So now, I shall impart to you the wisdom of several long careful days of studying the wine section at Giant Eagle.

Selecting your color: Remember, opposites attract. Red wine is good with White Castles, white wine is good with Red Bull. White wine might look yellow in the bottle, but believe me, just like Eminem, it might not know it or act like it, but it's really white. That pink stuff isn't good for jack shit.

Selecting your flavor: This is where it starts to get complicated. Some wines are dryer than others and others are sweeter. If you don't speak French, it's hard to tell what's what. If you do speak French, you're a pinko commie. So yeah, I can't tell the difference anyway after I've had a few, so just go with whatever's cheapest. It's usually on the bottom of the shelf.

Drinking your wine: At mass, they always served us wine out of these cool gold cups with a bunch of God stuff all over them. I want one. Wouldn't it kick ass to find the holy grail and drink wine out of it, just to say you did? You can also drink wine straight from the bottle, or with that cool berry blue bendy straw you got out of the Cap'n Crunch Box. Cap'n Crunch is cool. It's about time someone made him a damn admiral already.

Savoring your wine: 3 words -- Chug, chug, chug.

Wasn't that fun? Now you can be a poofy wine snob just like P-dubs.

A Toast to Me...

2004-12-29T22:12:00.000-05:00

I wish I could take credit for writing this. It's like someone broke into my brain, and wrote it all down.

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

(original)

Telephone Line

2004-12-18T17:36:00.000-05:00

*dialtone*

*beep beep boop ba beep ba boop*

*rinnnnnnng*

Hey, what's up blog, this is Pat.

Yeah, that Pat. I know it's been a couple weeks.... okay, months. Damn. It didn't seem like that long...

Yeah, yeah. I had fun too. I've just been really busy....

No, no, I like you a lot and I was hoping we could hang out again. I didn't mean to blow you off or anything, but I had to pick my final lab and I had a bunch of exams, plus there was Thanksgiving and everything. It all just hit me upside the head and I lost track of time. There's been a lot going on you probably don't even care about but I just had to talk to you again now that everything's calmed down...

Come on.... I mean it. I had your URL stuck up on my desk ever since you gave it to me and I was meaning to get in touch, but people have just been calling me out of the blue and I've had to get everything set to go home for Christmas in a few days. Plus my cell phone hasn't been working right and I just got that fixed last night.

So what's up with you? Oh yeah? Oh. What's his name? Cool, well... I'm happy for you. Yeah, that's super.......

Okay, well.... sorry. I've gotta go. Later.

*click*

Shit.

Shutterbugging

2004-11-06T19:35:00.000-05:00

I took some pictures at Lake View Cemetery today -- check them out! I tried to be a little artistic... please comment!

I chanced to run into a friend from class walking her dog and "rescued" her from some weirdo on a bike who was trying to get her number. She was appreciative and we had a nice walk/chat. I'm handy for situations like that.

2004-11-05T19:45:00.000-05:00

Election Day

2004-11-02T18:40:00.000-05:00

I don't really know what to say. A lot has been going on, but right now it all feels like a bad acid trip. My exam went well, about as well as could be expected. I'm glad it's over -- whoever said the cell biology half of this course was going to be easier than the Molecular portion was dead wrong.

I went home a couple weekends ago and my parents bought me a new laptop as an early Christmas/birthday gift. I'm thrilled with it and use it constantly. I've moved my desktop into my bedroom and attached a wireless router to my cable internet. It's a thing of beauty. The wireless on campus is good too -- I've not had any problems getting hooked in as of yet from my desk in Wolstein.

I feel like I have a window office over there. The workstations over there are cushy and comfortable. I wish my experiments were going a little better, but I'm going to keep plugging away.

Got my hair cut today. Fast Eddy's Chop Shop on Coventry. I highly recommend it.

Voting today was interesting. I finally figured out where this place was -- it was difficult to get to, but I managed to roll in at 6:15am. I was 5th in line, but by the time the doors opened (6:30am) the line stretched back to the parking lot. I wasn't there 10 minutes before people started giving the election workers hell -- people DIED for your right to vote, buddy, the least you can do is wait in line for it now.

I need a girlfriend. *sigh*

So lonely.

Better than porn

2004-11-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah... thats it.... YESSSSS

Happy Halloween

2004-10-31T11:08:00.000-05:00

Update coming Tuesday night after my exam.

Is it too much to ask...

2004-10-27T22:58:00.000-04:00

...to expect love, money, and success to be just handed to me, preferably on a silver platter carried atop a velvet pillow stuffed with dodo feathers and delivered by no fewer than nine eunuchs while I sip vintage Bollinger with my harem? I'm not asking for a lot here, people. Studying and working is fine for those with the time and motivation, but not me. They should just give me a degree for what I already know, and pay me six digits just because I'm so charming and attractive. How do some people get by on hard work? We all end up dead in the end, so it's a leisurely life for me.

Does anyone know how much a British butler costs and where I can order one?

It's Good to be in DC

2004-10-13T20:19:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or is "It's Good to be in DC" (sequel to "This Land") not as good as JibJab's first offering?

My exam, as well as CBIO 455, is a distant (8 hours ago) memory. It went well. I'm exhausted.

Beer and Baseball make me happy.

Fun. Nice. Life. Youth. Beautiful. I'm all for it.

When I'm 64

2004-10-09T22:20:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday, John Lennon.
LIVE FOREVER

1940-1980

(Age progression from 1980-2004)

The Race at Case

2004-10-06T22:05:00.000-04:00

We got all excited for that?!?

Time for an update

2004-10-04T19:23:00.000-04:00

So, what have I been up to? Same 'ol crap, I suppose. My exams have gone well -- I haven't received my score on the one from last week yet, but I feel pretty good about it. This section's material is going to be rough though.

The big VP debate is tomorrow, and the campus is abuzz with guys in crew cuts talking to their lapels. Of course, the Med school classes aren't canceled tomorrow, so I'll be at it as usual, bright and early. Well, I shouldn't say bright -- I hate when it's dark when you wake up. It makes me so sleepy when I get to class. Maybe that's why this section's material is going to be so rough. I need some speed. I put my name in for tickets, but no one will know how many will be distributed and to whom until tomorrow morning. I don't have my hopes up.

Check out Ian Brown's new single featuring Noel Gallagher.

I filled my apartment with smoke yesterday after burning a hamburger. The smoke alarm went off. At least I know it works now. It's getting chilly in here too -- I wish he'd turn on the damn radiators soon.

Let me take a moment to encourage everyone out there who's registered to get out and vote. Unless you're going to vote for Bush. In that case, stay home.

I finished my rotation at the Clinic last week. Thank goodness. That place sucked.

I took my car in to the service department at my local Ford dealer on Saturday because the check engine light was on. I didn't realize how close I live to the ghetto, but when they say Cleveland is the poorest city in the country, they mean it. I fully expected to get raped in the wallet, but it turns out the trouble was with a sensor that is actually covered by the extended powertrain warranty. I didn't have to pay a penny. Kudos to the nice folks at Bud Brady Ford for not ripping me off.

Oh, and here's a terrible picture of me from Jillian's last week.

Okay... I'm out.

Another one for the mantle

2004-08-30T19:06:00.000-04:00

Recieved a shipment from QVC today -- the Rusty Wallace Martinsville Win raced version RCCA Elite diecast from earlier this year. Great pick-me up for a Rusty fan who hasn't seen a top-10 finish since Charlotte... *sigh*. Don't get me started about last week.

Anyway -- the expected ship date for the car was October 10th, but I received it today. I guess this is typical, though. This is my first order from RCCA, so yay for QVC!

What's even more badass, in addition to the wheel marks, authentic piece of race-used tire, and insane detailing, was what I found on the bottom.

Yes, in a numbered edition of 240 car #2's, I got number 2! Woohoo! I wonder what this would go for on eBay.... probably a lot.

How many email addresses does a n****a need?

2004-08-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

I just got my gmail address today. Its sweet.

It now takes me several minutes to count how many email address I actually have...

IU -- 1. (its about to get retired, but I can get an alumni one)
Case -- 1 account, with 5 aliases. (and yes, I'm using them all)
Adelphia -- 3 accounts right now
Comcast -- 1 account
Hotmail -- 1 account
Gmail -- 1 account
and 5 miscellaneous forwarders

So, thats 17 email addresses that one could use, theoretically, to get in touch with me. Of course, I don't publicize several of them (and some are linked to aliases I use on message boards that you'd never actually connect with me). But, feel free to try my new gmail address:

Bored...

2004-08-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

Yahoo has a new avatar service which allows you to create full-body avatars (which supposedly work in Yahoo messenger, which I don't use)reflecting your style and mood. Here's mine:

People, please

2004-08-09T18:44:00.000-04:00

Stop sending me "invitations" to sign up at ipodsforfree.com. I have an iPod, and an eBay account. I'm sure if you say it's not a scam, it isn't, but 'ol Patty likes to steer clear of that whole ad-referral-supported-something-for-nothing road alltogether. iPods are cool though, and if you can't get one for free, they're worth the $300 (IMHO). Good luck to everyone who seems to be emailing me their referral links out of the blue, and no hard feelings, but no thanks.

"The Village" Sucked

2004-08-05T23:44:00.000-04:00

M. Night Shaymalan's (Mr. Director Lets-Change-My-Name-So-It-Sounds-Spooky) "The Village" sucks. I can't believe I blew 8 bucks on that load of crap yesterdy. The whole village is located deep in a gigantic walled "wildlife preserve" which no one can enter. The creatures are just the village elders in costume. They scare the villiagers to keep them from wandering off into the outside world, the modern world of today, which the elders fled to escape the evils of money and greed.

Dang, I guess I should have labeled that with a spoiler warning or something. Oh well. You'll thank me once you think of a better use for 8 bucks, for example, a boiling vinegar enema.

Heart of a Champion (Dale Jr. sucks)

2004-08-01T15:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, I realize how asinine it is to get preachy about auto racing, but I'm going to do it anyway. Today in the Pennsylvania 500, Dale Earnhardt Jr. was getting smoked on the track, a lap down in 30-something place when a caution flag comes out. Dale, recovering from a burn injury which occurred 2 weeks ago, decides to get out of the car and allow a substitute driver (John Andretti) finish the race for him, as he did last week at Louden (when Martin Truex Jr. replaced him early on).

Here is why this sucks:

1) Last week, in New Hampshire, Dale made no apologies about planning the driver switch before practice even began. He said, flat out, that he'd get out of the car at the first caution. Why did he even start the race? Because Nascar credits the points won to the driver who started, regardless of how much of the race they completed. Dale knew he was in no shape to race, especially the whole race, so to preserve his championship standing and earn points for competing. I don't care what other drivers have done before, and I don't care what the rule is. If you're too sick/hurt to complete the entire race, stay home. At the very least, don't come out and gratuitously play damage-control when you have no business behind the wheel. Had points not been an issue, he wouldn't have started the race.

2) Today, Dale makes the switch again, this time after going considerably longer on the track. He's a lap down, and well out of contention. In the interview, (after a man known for being well-composed took a few minutes to "compose himself") he pretty much admitted that the reason he got out of the car is that the race was going badly. Boo-freaking-hoo.

This, combined with spinning himself out to bring out his own bail out caution earlier this season, gives me a very valid reason to hate him as a competitor, where I really had none to begin with. I don't want to hear anyone claiming he has the "heart of a champion" or any crap like that. His behavior recently has been downright cowardly, trite, and shameless. You're no champion, Dale.

...but I still won three purple hearts

2004-07-15T19:24:00.000-04:00

Best political humor of the year (LINK). Check it out.

Edit: Download thisland.swf here (right click, durrr) and avoid the traffic jam. It'll be worth your time. I promise.

Edit again: Some have been reporting problems with the hastily extracted version above. Here (righty-clicky) is a zip (because Mama Norton and Daddy McAfee say downloading exe's off the 'net is bad, kiddies) which contains the self-executable exe that doesn't bring up the JibJab site every time.

In the Afterlife...

2004-07-07T22:39:00.000-04:00

(Squirrel Nut Zippers: Hell. The theme song to "Family Plots")

Okay, well, here's the long awaited "Pat moved to Cleveland without a trace" post...

Moving sucks. I suggest you never do it. Between filling boxes, emptying bank accounts, and sobbing parents, it's just not worth the trouble. Long story short, after weeks of struggle and stress, I'm here. The apartment has "character," but I'm happy with it so far. I've got my cable internet, 200 channels of digital sweetness, and a fridge full of beer.

The neighborhood is great. I live right up the road from "Little Italy" and across the street from one of the most beautiful cemeteries in the country. I've walked around out there more often than I care to admit -- but it's freaking HUGE, and full of beautiful monuments. President Garfield is "buried" there -- his monument is actually a colossal cathedral-looking structure containing murals of his life, a regal statue, balconies from which you can see Lake Erie, and the president and his wife all boxed up downstairs. It spooked the hell out of me the first time I walked down there -- the coffins are sitting out in the open! John D. Rockefeller's gigantic obelisk is there, Elliot Ness, and some other cool folks I have yet to find.

Case is also home this year to the vice presidential debate. I'd like to go see it, but it doesn't make a difference to me. John Kerry could have picked a sock monkey to run with and I'd still have voted for him.

I'm working in the lab of Dr. Jonathan Karn for my first rotation. He's the chair of the Micro/Molecular department, and I'll be studying global NF-kB expression in HIV-infected cells, amongst other things. My first day in the lab is tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I'm feeling good. I deserve another Newcastle.

Moving Day

2004-06-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

Moving to Cleveland in the morning. Updates to follow.

Open your mind and go see Fahrenheit 9-11. If you still want to vote for Bush after seeing it, you need your head examined.

God, I'm Awesome

2004-06-03T16:43:00.000-04:00

Check me out in the 2004 National Dean's List, out in September. Yatta!

We are all made of stars

2004-06-02T13:37:00.000-04:00

Yours truly, immortalized in ASCII

... sweetness. Try it out, yo.

Red Dress Press

2004-05-23T21:33:00.000-04:00

I hope you all watched "The Simpsons" tonight. Best episode this season -- hilarious as hell, plus poignant and well-played with their take on media ownership and bloggers. F-ing brilliant.

'Nap-town

2004-05-15T10:52:00.000-04:00

Sorry no updates as of late, I'm just too lazy here at home. I'm going to Cleveland on Monday to check out some apartments (9 actually), then I'm going to the White Sox/Indians game that night (GO SOX!!!!). Hopefully I find something that suits me -- its so hard to tell what might be good and what isn't until you get out there and see it for yourself. I've already been advised that one landlord I'll be speaking to is a complete a$$hole, and to avoid his properties at all costs. Wish me luck -- I'm leaving at the butt-crack of dawn on Monday.

In other news, I got a 4.0 this semester. Hoowah! That gives me a 3.76 for my final GPA. I wish I hadn't screwed around my freshman year -- I could have had a 3.8, easy.

Oh, yeah. Before I forget. On Monday Dad and I went out to the speedway to pick up his credentials, and we hung around for a little bit of practice. After walking around for awhile, we find an area where the fence is rolled back and we can walk up to the outside of the track. We were standing right at the concrete wall, with only steel cables separating us from something moving over 200 miles per hour. Holy cow that was awesome. It was at the exit of the first turn, so it was right where the groove comes up against the wall, so we were literally inches away. Man, that was thrilling.

"emo" sucks.

2004-05-04T23:07:00.000-04:00

Well, its about time someone said it. If you're going to be punk, be punk and suck that way. If you're going to be goth, be goth and suck that way. Don't try this "emo" crap and make every quasi-legitimate sucky genre that plays a part in its B.S. suck on a whole new level.

Thanks for understanding. Carry on.

"Oh papa Homer, you are so learned!"

2004-05-04T16:49:00.000-04:00

GRADUATION!!!

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd once never been
All the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos' you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside, the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger ... I heard you say

I Didn't Like "The Matrix," okay!?!

2004-05-01T22:12:00.000-04:00

I didn't like "The Matrix," and I'm sick and tired of people who did pigeonholing me as someone who's not capable of understanding the deep complexities of such a deep, complex movie. Bah.

I have a right not to like a movie without my intelligence being insulted. I hate this pseudo-intellectual elitist culture that's developed lately. If you're a computer geek, I'm on a lower intellectual plane than you because I don't use Linux. If you're a music buff, I'm a lesser mind because I think your favorite indie band sucks. If you're a literature goon, I'm a lesser-evolved mind because I don't know who the hell you're talking about.

Truth is, I DON'T CARE!! I'm a brilliant s.o.b. and I don't need you to validate it for me. If being able to write a term paper on the philosophical implications of "The Matrix" does it for you, fine. I'm not even going to try to claim that my calling is any higher than yours. But the next person who talks down to me because I don't partake of something that is "absolutely essential" for one's intellectual wellbeing is likely to receive a knee to the groin.

P.S: I didn't like "The Matrix" because the character development was weak, the basic precept was fundamentally flawed, and it was too freaking long. So there.

The End of an Era

2004-04-29T22:13:00.000-04:00

I just sat through my last class at IU. Wow. That totally blows my mind. Seems like only yesterday I was dozing through calculus and that econ class I had no business ever taking. Everyone told me that its a fast four years -- you don't realize it until its over, but they're absolutely right. I have two pithy finals next week, and that's all she wrote. *Sigh*

10 Things I Would Change About IU

1. Extend the "A" bus route to go past Willkie and Forest
This is just common sense, people. We need to get to the stadium area too, and I see no reason to walk down to the bus stop across from TIS to catch an "A" bus. Nevermind the "D" route is duplicated by every single other route. Had "A" busses gone by Willkie, I may have actually purchased a bus pass.

2. Note to Athletics Department: Remove head from ass ASAP
I don't even have to explain this to any IU student who's been paying attention. There's no reason a university of our size shouldn't have a world class football program. Leave it to us to piss away a Heisman-quality Antwaan Randle El into the chasm of NCAA obscurity. Follow that up with 3 terrible seasons. Rack up an enormous budget deficit and propose that every student help pay it off. Brilliant.

3. Note to Union Board: Get up off your ass
Purdue gets better shows than us. 'Nuff said. No excuse for that crap.

4. Privatize the C-Stores
If one were to look up "price gouging" in Webster's, there would be a reference to the IU Campus C-Stores. Kroger, Marsh, O-Malia's, and CVS are all accessible from campus. Its unfair for cash-strapped students to have to pay $5 for a roll of paper towels. RPS needs to stop being so damn greedy and attributing the price inflations to "overhead" and instead focus on providing a sensible value for campus-dwellers. A grocery or convenience store company would bring variety, better brands, and stronger value to campus.

5. Note to Greeks: Quit your damn whining
Aww, the IDS is being hard on your binge-drinking, Abercrombie-wearing, elitist asses? You don't think that's fair? Too freaking bad. I don't think its fair that my diploma will have the name of "America's #1 (or #3) Party School" on it.

6. Bring back Bob Knight
Okay, Coach. We're very sorry. This whole Mike Davis thing was a flash-in-the-pan, ill-conceived attempt to introduce youth and diversity into our program. Its not working so well at the moment. Blue-chip recruits are great, but its even better when they play like their scholarship means something to them. Myles Brand is gone, and we'd like to have you back.

7. Make majoring in Education more difficult than passing junior high
Ed majors have it way too damn easy. The thought of some ditzy blonde teaching my future kid in 2nd grade is really scary. Notice all of the Ed majors with red and white cords at graduation, and on the dean's list every semester. *cough*gradeinflation*cough*

8. Note to my prof: As an Indiana taxpayer, I pay your salary. Now act like it.
I'm not a waste of your time, and I EXPECT you to care about my education.

9. Fox News sucks. Get it off my TV. I want my NASCAR.
Living in the dorms, we get a couple dozen cable stations. A large percentage of them aren't in English. Nevertheless, we do get Faux News. And here I am, missing my NASCAR qualifying (FX) and analysis shows (Speed), not to mention MXE (Spike). There's no question in my mind which ones have greater academic value.

10. Diversity Rocks! Yes it does. Now shut up.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if you would quit making such a big deal out of it. Yes, I grew up in the most white-bred, middle class, republican of worlds (VDSM), but I do understand the importance of diversity issues. Now please stop bombarding me with it every day. Do we really need another discussion on race?

Every time I think its okay to make that argument, people like this asshat prove me wrong. My apologies. Scratch #10.

Rene Gonzales:

2004-04-29T17:07:00.000-04:00

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
Voltaire (1694-1778)

Soundcrimes

2004-04-28T12:12:00.000-04:00

Whoa. Went out to Festers last night, but that's about all I remember. Real shame too, because the music was outstanding. My friend "Yoshi" from Culver is the keyboard player for Soundcrimes, a jam band (featuring turntables -- damn that's cool) that usually does gigs up in Indy, but were down here last night. Excellent, excellent music, and great to see Dan again.

I, of course, got really hammered. Woo boy. Even after the "sober up" burrito at La Bambas for the long, hurried, stumbly walk home. Fell asleep nauseated and woke up at 7:30 am, feeling wide awake, bright-eyed and busshy-tailed. Go figure.

IU UITS sucks

2004-04-26T14:37:00.000-04:00

Okay. Last week, the network here was experiencing irratiable bowel syndrome for a day and a half, causing me and everyone else who couldn't read the latest issue of The Onion the day it came out a lot of extreme mental anguish. In all seriousness, people at the ASC were running around like chickens with their heads cut off because they couldn't get to their CFS. A day later it happened again, this time localized to my building (oh lucky me).

Today, I wake up to find out the server which serves my email to me (usually with a side order of hash browns) is experiencing "difficulties"

Difficulties accessing IMAP3 (Lear) due to hardware problems - Monday 4/26 08:00 to 16:00 (estimated):
Users are experiencing difficulties accessing their e-mail on IMAP3 (Lear). Access via Webmail, Pine, and graphical clients using IMAP is affected. System administrators identified a hardware problem with the server. Parts are expected this afternoon, and service is estimated to be restored by approximately 4pm.

So, thats like half a day without my frigging email. Its a good thing I'm not waiting on anything important. Oh wait, I am.

Difficulties?? Why don't you just re-word your little "system notices" to say what really happened. May I suggest:

Our hardware is shit (see logs from last week) so 25% of you have probably lost your email from today
You're not going to be able to get your damn email, so don't even try until later this afternoon. We say 4pm, but just like last week, that will probably get pushed back a few hours. We're sorry we spent your $200 technology fee on our Teen Keira membership.

I have a very low amount of patience for this crap.

Hitting the Nail on the Head

2004-04-25T01:51:00.000-04:00

I've been contemplating writing something touching and heartfelt about my feelings towards women. Fortunately, I came across this page today. I generally don't like just linking to crap, but I couldn't have put it better.

(That site has to be the most angst-driven, cocky, self-deluged location on the web I've ever seen. I f---ing love it.)

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-04-18T19:12:00.000-04:00

April 29, 2001: Fontana, CA -- April 18, 2004: Martinsville, VA
THE STREAK IS OVER!!!

T-minus 4 weeks and counting

2004-04-11T23:56:00.000-04:00

Help me. I'm floundering in my own sloth. At this rate, I'm going to be comatose by graduation.

I've decided on Case Western Reserve University for graduate school. Its official -- sent back all my reply crap earlier this week. Why? All the little kids growin' up on the skids goin' Cleveland rocks. I promise I'll never be an Indians fan. I swear.

Last night. Holy crap. Lotsa CH3-CH2-OH.

Damn, today went fast. Time flies when you have no choice but to waste it. (-Pat Weitzel)

Hope everyone had a happy Easter.

Spam Poetry

2004-04-11T23:45:00.000-04:00

Spammers put random dictionary words at the end of their messages in an attempt to not get caught by "scoring" spam filters. I've found that sometimes, these strings can be formed into beautiful poetry. Example (from an actual spam I received, punctuation added):

enunciable ampersand arcsin jackdaw.
coefficient,
poignant,
coloratura linebacker.
beguile annulled analytic columbus abstention;
bask concertina treasure width id.
grey hydrometer,
dandelion ordinance.
seeable?
dressmake what culinary crone narcissism wear await!

I know I'm not the first person to think of spam poetry (just google it), but I've not yet seen it comprised of this random filter-evading padding. Beautiful, really.

Oh yeah, almost forgot...

2004-04-01T20:06:00.000-05:00

Freaks from the NIH emailed yesterday -- I didn't get accepted to that fellowship I had applied to 6 MONTHS AGO. I honestly had completely forgotten about the whole UPenn deal. If this is the glacial pace I get to put up with out of them, maybe I should reconsider my choice of careers and funding options. Oh well. Also, like every girl I've ever dated, they too can lick my sweaty [censored] and then take their putrid [censored] and stick them up their [censored] until [censored] comes out their [censored]ing mouths.

(Michael Powell was here. FCC-4-EVA, biatches!!)

I Can't Believe It's an Update!

2004-04-01T19:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, I guess its about time I posted something new. I've been putting it off for long enough. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get motivated to do anything school-related when the freakin' cap and gown is hanging in my closet? Jeez.

I've been lazy as hell for the past two weeks. In fact, I can't remember much. Wen't car shopping with Cory last weekend -- t'was fun. Rusty finished second at Bristol -- ouch. Most painful second place finish ever.

As far as the grad school crap goes, I think it's going to be Case Western. Princeton doesn't have a medical school, which means outside of a few labs, my "clinical" options would be somewhat limited. I'm not 100% there though, but should be sometime in the next few days. The way I figure, its a prestigious thing to be accepted to a place like Princeton, but even more reflective of my sheer awesomeness to be able to confidently turn down their offer. Like every girl I've ever dated, they too just didn't turn out to be good enough for me.

Going out with Emily this weekend -- its winding down for both of us so I expect some victory laps doing "Bear-aoke" and Domo. Before that, I'll be editing the new Scholar on Saturday with my staff -- fortunatley I'm in the clear assignment-wise until the week before finals, so I should be able to handle the typesetting without too much of a struggle.

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago, Polariod. See what develops.

Last Post Until After Spring Break

2004-03-10T22:56:00.000-05:00

Damn. What a rough week. No sooner do I get back from Cleveland than I have a X338 Midterm to write and a full lab report for M360. The X338 paper ended up being 14 pages 1.5-spaced, but it was split up over 6 questions. Worst. Midterm. Ever. The lab report was even rougher, however, because no one has a clue what's going on in that class anyway. I shot my best guess, and even formatted it like it just came out of a journal (probably going to piss Mower off for not double-spacing it, though). I'm just glad its over.

After I turn all this crap in tomorrow, its off to Dartmouth. I'm really excited for this quasi-vacation before my spring break. With any luck, the better parts of this weekend will involve copious amounts of alcohol. (Dartmouth a drinking school? No!)

I've received accepances from Case and Princeton (updated grad school chart). Hopefully, I'll be able to come close to making a decision over spring break.

To close, I'd like to wish the three people who actually read this blog an enjoyable spring break.

Case is the Place

2004-03-07T19:29:00.000-05:00

I was at Case Western Reserve University this weekend, and I must say it was quite impressive and attractive. They're probably the frontrunner at this point.

Friday night we went out to a rather nice Meditteranean restaruant for dinner then went out to a comedy club. The headliner was some HBO comic I never heard of, but as a middle-aged female comedian, her act was an arduous one-trick pony (bashing men for 40 minutes). Saturday we had some tours, then I had the opportunity to see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, dinner at Fat Fish Blue, a Cavaliers game (they beat Milwaukee), and evening drinks at Rock Bottom. All academics aside, this was the most fun I've had on a visit. Academically, they're as highly ranked as anyone else.

I've got way too much stuff to do to be sitting around doing nothing, but I'm just too tired from travel.

F'shizzle

2004-03-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile. Sorry. I've been busy.

I returned from Princeton yesterday. The town and campus is beautiful, and I love the academic environment. The grad students are a lot of fun too -- Friday night we went out to this smoky little bar and I was able to get $#!tfaced on Princeton's tab. Yagermeister on tap is a dangerous thing.

Saturday was fun too -- we saw around campus and went bowling. I didn't do very well, but it was fun. They have most of their grad students living in what they call the "grad college" out there, and its essentially a craphole dorm. The place looks like Collins at IU, only more decrepid. Community bathrooms, dining hall, the works. If I end up going there, it will only be if I can find a suitable off campus apartment (which most people avoid because they're really expensive out there, and the grad college is cheap as hell).

The idiots at Continental Airlines left my bag in Newark yesterday while I flew home to Indy. The stupid bimbo at the "service counter" seemed to believe I had no reason to be upset as she filed a claim and put a "tracer" on my bag. Apparently a "tracer" means nothing -- after six hours they still couldn't tell me with absolute certainty what city my suitcase was in. I don't know why they put those stupid barcodes on there anyway -- they scan my ticket as I get on the plane, they know how many bags I checked at the counter, so how hard would it be to scan the baggage on its way onto the plane to confirm that every passenger is travelling with their bag? Anyway, my suitcase came in on a flight around 8 last night and they were able to get it to me at 4:45 this morning. Yes, you read that right. They sent a delivery guy down to Bloomington and everything is back in my posession. The suitcase was covered with "TSA" tags, and a notice had been inserted telling me that my bag had been searched, so I may be able to blame my frustration and inconvienence on Dubya and his Dept. of 1984.

Next week is Case Western, but before then I have an Immunology exam and a paper to write. So I'd better get to work. Ciao.

Buckeyes are Idiots

2004-02-18T14:19:00.000-05:00

This is an unedited scan of a letter I received yesterday (2-17-04) from the Department of Microbiology at Ohio State University. It truly speaks for itself. Read the first two paragraphs.

This thoroughly disgusts me -- If I would have submitted something as part of my application that included such blatant carelessness, they would have laughed at it and thrown it away. It's quite clear that they spent 2 minutes writing this letter, and didn't proofread it or even look at it closely as it came off the printer. I wonder how many other students received the same thing. I don't want to come off as a pompous jerk (although I am interviewing at Princeton next week), but I view this is an insult to the time and effort I spent preparing my application material.

Oh well, one more scratched off the list.

Annoyances

2004-02-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm eating lunch today, and someone sits down at the same table as me. Isn't there some unwritten code that says when a stranger is eating alone at a table, and there's an abundance of empty tables surrounding the occupied table, that one should select the empty table? Call me antisocial, but I don't like sitting by strangers when I eat -- especially when their decision to sit with me makes me uncomfortable due to the fact there's several unoccupied tables in the vicinity.

Email from UIUC today -- I wrote back yesterday explaining why I had to turn down their offer for an interview. It was a very polite email:

Thank you and Dr. Gennis very much for your message offering me the opportunity to visit UIUC. I have indeed received the letter dated Jan. 28th, and I apologize for the lateness of my response.

Unfortunately, my availability this semester is extremely sparse. I have taken great efforts to ensure that I'll be able to visit all of the departments that contacted me in late December with their request. For this reason, the first week of March is going to be a very busy time for me. Because I underestimated the enthusiasm in which my applications would be pursued by the schools to which I applied, I am not going to be able to follow-up all of them with a visit -- in fact, due to my schedule constraints and in light of the offers I currently have at this time, I must begin narrowing my selection before I have had the opportunity to visit all the departments who have shown such interest in me. Its not been an easy decision for me, but after consulting with all the resources and information I have at this time, unfortunately I must decline the invitation to visit the Department of Biochemistry at UIUC.

Thank you once again, and best of luck in recruiting your 2004 class.

Best regards,

Pat Weitzel

which I thought would convey the fact that I'm turning down the interview and am no longer interested in attending UIUC. Being the recipient of several "rejection" letters from various HR assholes over the years, I thought the wording would flow in the same vein. Yes, I did derive a sick amount of pleasure in writing it. However, here's today's response:

Hi Pat!
I'm sorry you are unable to visit on March 5-6th, but we will be happy
to arrange a special visit for you anytime after that (Monday-Friday).

We can arrange your activities so that they easily fit into one day:

(bla bla bla, schedule)

An important part of the visit is the opportunity for students to meet
with faculty. Please give me the names of 5-6 faculty whose research
is of interest to you with respect to your future plans. I will try to arrange
for you to meet with these faculty for ½-hour each. You will also have
an opportunity to meet with either the Chair of our Graduate Admissions
Committee or with one of the other members.

Just let me know what date (Monday-Friday) you would like to visit in
Biochemistry, when you plan to arrive, along with 5-6 faculty names,
http://www.life.uiuc.edu/biochem/faculty.html
and I'll make your hotel reservation (if needed), start working on your
schedule, etc. We will help defray your travel expenses and will share
travel costs with any other school that you visit on the same trip.

Please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions.

They apparently didn't get what I was trying to say. Oh well. Can't blame them for trying.

(Updated grad school selection chart, and check out the spiffy new picture of yours truly)

Boogidy...

2004-02-12T19:38:00.000-05:00

The Nascar fantasy cup challenge league auction is over. My drivers:

Kevin Harvick (29), Ricky Rudd (21), Kurt Busch (97), Jaime McMurray (42)

Sweet Home Alabama

2004-02-08T19:36:00.000-05:00

UAB was awesome. They continued to rack up the brownie points with gift baskets and very nice meals -- they're the only place so far I've visited in which I feel comfortable with the program, interested in the faculty, and can actually see myself living there. Very nice visit. UAB wins round one.

Incidentally, I only talked to one person who spoke with the stereotypical southern drawl. Birmingham is a lot like Indianapolis in some ways. I'm only disappointed in the stipend package they're offering. I'll try some negotation when they call on Tuesday.

Go Cyclones

2004-02-02T13:31:00.000-05:00

Back from Iowa State, and I must say I was more impressed than I anticipated. The plane trip was interesting, after a delay (and subsequent un-delay) in Indy, and a two and one-half hour layover in O'Hare, I made it to Des Moines. The hotel was old and noisy, but otherwise I receieved first-class treatment all around. The program seems good (but not as much focused on what I'd like to do research on), although they seem to have a ton of money.

I've got a long week ahead of me -- a paper due tomorrow (that I have to start now), Immunology Exam, Tutoring, UScholar Meeting, Lab Project, and a report due when I get back from UAB on Monday. Speaking of UAB, they went and booked backwards flight arrangements for me -- coming from Birmingham on Thursday and returning there on Sunday, instead of what I needed. They officially just lost the brownie points for the t-shirt. I'm playing phone tag right now with the lady who can get it straightened out.

The Excitement Never Ends

2004-01-28T23:46:00.000-05:00

... and now I'm off to the fabulously vibrant and exhilarating city of Ames, IA for my next grad school visit on the morrow. Short visit -- although I'll probably stop in and spend Saturday night in Indy with the fam and continue on back to Bloomington on Sunday. They're probably at the bottom of my list, but who knows -- maybe I'll be impressed. Until then...

HELL YES!!! INDIANA 63, PURDUE 58

2004-01-27T22:24:00.000-05:00

Second-best game I've ever attended. (Best being 2 years ago against Ohio State) Assembly Hall was electric and the atmosphere truly showed why Bloomington is the best college basketball town in America.

Now, as soon as I get off tutoring (30 mins) and can dig my car out to come back home, its time for some drinkin'.

Motown Philly

2004-01-26T13:34:00.000-05:00

What up. Well, I got back from Philly yesterday and had a buttload of work to do for today, which is why I haven't posted this until now. Penn was pretty cool -- top-notch faculty, pretty campus, very nice people, although I don't know how well I'd like living in Philadelphia personally. Its very, um, urban.

Thursday night was a re-inactment of "Yours is a Very Bad Hotel" (a must read). There were apparently "maintenance issues" with our room. All we could gather is that those issues in no way involved the door (which was barred from the inside) or the TV (which was on when we went up to try to get in the room initially). Ironically (see above link), they ended up sending us to the Philadelphia DoubleTree. A very nice hotel, I must say -- the beds were extremely comfortable.

The following day we had a room at the inn that everyone else was staying at. The room was nicer, but the beds kind of sucked. We spent the day chatting with faculty and attending presentations. Very interesting and informative, for sure. Everyone was very nice and accommodating. The food was outstanding as well -- Yuengling Lager is probably the best American beer I've tasted.

I could have totally done without Saturday, however. It was mainly apartment visits (like, who hasn't seen the inside of a student's apartment) and social sorts of things. I got to see the Liberty Bell and the Constitution Center, which was cool -- but the weather sucked and walking around in the bitter cold kind of put me in a grumpy mood about the whole day.

The flight home was wonderful. I made it home just in time to miss the snow (which we received yesterday in copious amounts). All in all, Penn made a good impression on me. If I end up choosing someplace else (likely), it will be solely because big-city life turns me off.

Okay, now for a nap.

Oh, My Bags are Packed and I'm Ready to Go

2004-01-22T10:35:00.000-05:00

Off to the city of brotherly shizzle. See ya on Sunday!

Final Interview Scheduled, Commence Tutoring

2004-01-20T19:21:00.000-05:00

UPDATED: Grad school chart (link to your right) now has all my interviews scheduled. Dartmouth is the latest -- they contacted me today and gave me the okay to come in March instead of the scheduled date that conflicted with the Princeton interview. This year's big losers are UIUC and Oregon State -- pretty low on the list to begin with but now that I'm cutting myself off at 6 interviews I have to start narrowing the list a bit. Since I have the acceptance from Ohio State, I don't feel wrong doing so at this point.

I sold my computer science book from last semester! Someone out there actually found it on half.com! Now I have to take the damn thing to the post office tomorrow...

Kinser cleaners r0x0rz. I picked up my suits from being cleaned and pressed today and they told me they found that one of my pants was missing a pocket button. They went ahead and replaced it for me! Thats service!

Class sucks. Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day getting everything in place for the weekend with the various things that need to be ready on Monday.

Tonight I start tutoring over at Teter. (M,W: 7-9, T: 9-11 every week from now until the end) I can only hope its as boring as last semester and I can get some work done, because being here in front of the computer and TV breeds laziness. Aw, heck. I'm lazy over there too. Its going to beat the heck out of working at Ashton though. They should have turned that damn place into a parking lot long ago.

MLK Day

2004-01-19T18:50:00.000-05:00

Well, its been a week and I'm already getting lazy about updating this. Nothing personal, I'm being lazy about nearly everything else too.

Got an email from Dartmouth late last night -- they want me to come interview, but its scheduled the same weekend as when I'll be in Princeton. I suppose they'll be getting back to my request for alternative arrangements.

I'm going to be rich!!!

2004-01-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

I got this email today -- I have no idea how this gentleman got my address, but I think it just might be one of those freak opportunities that comes out of the blue. I'm going to get 25% of almost $30 million!!!!

HAHA SCREW ALL Y'ALL!! I'M GOING TO BE RICH!!

All I have to do is help Mr. Bello launder this money and I'm set for life!!! YES YES YES!!! I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

Now, If all you po' folk will excuse me, I've got to go fax Usman my personal info and bank account numbers.

Fast Forward

2004-01-14T17:10:00.000-05:00

Back in the day, there was a show on Nickelodeon called "Out of Control", hosted by Dave Coulier. They used to have this one skit where a kid would write in to Dave, and request that he use his "hurry up machine" to help him or her endure the drudgery of some chore by making time accelerate.

How kick-ass would that be? I'm here for another semester, and with nothing at all meaningful or exciting going on this week (or really next week), I'd like to make time "hurry up" a bit.

Damn, I need money. I bought a friend lunch today (she said she'd pay me back tomorrow), and I bought some groceries at Kroger. That combined with the cost of new glasses and textbooks is stretching my wallet pretty thin. Of course, I'm also going to have to pay for parking at the airport several times. Plus paying for graduation crap. Uugh. I hope I get lots of cash for my birthday.

Aaah, sweetness. "Bruce Almighty" is on the IU Movie Channel. I haven't seen that yet. Maybe my friend Sam (Adams) might come over and say "hi" later. Cheerio.

LensCrafters Sucks

2004-01-12T23:24:00.000-05:00

I had to get a new pair of glasses today. One of the temples on the old pair had been super glued for about a month or so after breaking one day. The same thing happened to the other side last night. Both the breakages were of the "spring" variety, meaning they can't be repaired.

I took them back to Lenscrafters today, in search of a replacement set of frames. I was quite fortunate they had the same model frames (a very slightly darker color, although you can't really tell) in the size I needed, so they were able to just switch the lenses. In short, the lady that "helped" me was the RUDEST WITCH I have ever encountered in any store, of any kind. I was the only customer in the store, yet she proceeded to dispense with a truly disgusting attitude when I requested she fit my new frames for me. If I didn't like the frames I have so much, it would be Dr. Tavel from now on.

By the way, my prescription is expired, plus my lenses cost $165 alone, plus the cost of the frames. They must run a racket out of that store -- forget this $99 a pair B.S.

On a good note, I found out today I've been invited to PRINCETON UNIVERSITY for an interview in February. Hoowah!

1733 songs, 5 days, 6.91 GB

2004-01-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

I've finally got all of my digital music imported into iTunes; rated, categorized, and sorted how I want it. The full utility of an iPod requires that everything have correct tag info (title, artist, album, genre, etc), so I've spent considerable time cleaning up all the "dirty" tags that have found their way into my library, and importing all of my CD collection so that I've got all my albums neat and sorted.

Here's the obligatory link to the exported contents of my digital music library

(note that if there isn't an album listed for a particular song, then I didn't aquire the track through importing it off a CD -- eg the albums I own are all listed)

Yes, I included everything, even the songs that suck. Why not include them? That's what the "next" button is for. There's even albums that I can't listen to anymore without nearly losing my lunch due to their association with certain ugly individuals (Bob Seger).

Back in the USSR

2004-01-10T22:21:00.000-05:00

I'm back in B-Town, yo. Moving back in, watching football, drinking Newcastle, just as things should be.

It was a good drive back, although the piggies were out in full force. I saw no less than five.

And I was right: I had a HUGE pile of mail awaiting me when I returned. Including:

Bank Statements
Latest Issue of Car & Driver
A bunch of junk from various IU departments who don't realize I'm graduating after this year
Ads, Ads, Ads...
Grad School Stuff

What of the grad school stuff? Well, I got my "official" offer from Ohio State -- offering a part-time Teaching Assistantship and $1752 per month ($20664 per year). With that offer, they officially moved down to "fallback option" status. Firstly, I would have much preferred anything but a teaching assistantship my first year. One of the rumors about departments who guarantee support for all students who make "satisfactory progress" is that they bring them on for one year as a TA, then deliberately flunk them out through their courses or qualifying exams because they know very well they can't afford them the following year, but they brought them in because they are in need of TA's. Its a way to keep your class size small, while getting the warm bodies you need to teach Freshman bio. Anyway, I have until April 15th to get back to them, so I'm certainly in no hurry to jump on that paltry offer.

Also, I got some info from UAB, Case, and Iowa State concerning my upcoming visits. UAB won a lot of brownie points with the included T-shirt!

Beer Braincells Kills?

2004-01-10T22:15:00.000-05:00

Grades for First Semester 2003-04

Corona: 6
Foster's: 6
Miller Lite: 18
Bacardi Silver: 6
Bass Pale Ale: 12
Smirnoff Ice Triple Black: 6
Heineken: 12
Newcastle Brown Ale: 6
Bacardi O3: 6
Guinness: 4

(SEE IMAGE)

"When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."

[Starts 2nd Semester out right with a Newcastle]

Go Medieval

2004-01-10T19:58:00.000-05:00

I had this thought driving back to Bloomington today. Two of my favorite things to consume (one brings on euphoria of the mind, the other brings on euphoria of the bowels) are both "castles" of sort.

My question is -- when one combines the rich refreshing goodness of Newcastle Brown Ale with the steam-grilled perfection of White Castle Hamburgers (a.k.a. "slyders"), what would one call that meal of the gods?

I was thinking maybe "The Fortress" or "Camelot" or something like that. Any ideas?

On The Road Again...

2004-01-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

I'm packing everything up for my return trip to Bloomington right now; my computer is last on the list. I'm just waiting on my dad to disperse some funds to me before I leave (asleep on the couch right now).

It was a good break -- better because it was shorter than usual. In the past I think its been four weeks instead of three, but with the timing of Xmas and New Years the way it was this year, it just worked out that way.

The weather is bright and sunny, although its still awful cold outside. It should be a good drive back. I need to stop by the bank on the way out of town, and possibly pick up a sixer of Newcastle on my way in. I can't wait to see the huge pile of mail that's undoubtedly awaiting me at Willkie.

Anyhoo, I've got to haul the rest of my clothes (clean and folded, thanks to Mom) out to the car then unhook the 'puter. TTFN!

Piled Higher and Deeper

2004-01-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

Eh, well I'd say this turned out pretty well.

[hands on hips, takes a look around]

Call me uncreative for sticking with one of the "stock" templates for the most part. Call me lazy. Just don't call me late for dinner. (We had steaks tonight -- even if I catch Mad Cow it was worth it) I changed a few things in the template (yes, I'm quite familiar with CSS) and stocked up the sidebar, but for the most part, I really like this look.

(Yes, I do know its impossible to catch Mad Cow from grain fed muscle cuts like I ate tonight. I'm a friggin' Microbiologist. The next person on the news who calls it a virus is going to get a strongly-worded email from yours truly. Mad Cow is a prion, which is, in this case, an infectious protein.) More info on Prions and Mad Cow here

Anyhow, one of the things you'll find directly underneath the stunning photo of myself (ladies, I'm single!) is my "grad school selection chart." I've applied to nine departments around the country and am in the process of receiving invitations and decisions from each. The chart is an easy way to track my progress to making a decision.

To be honest with everyone, I'm probably in over my head applying to that many programs. Especially when I'll be traveling for interview visits for three straight weekends in the near future. However, I've got a few things working in my favor.

1. I grossly underestimated how high caliber of an applicant I would be to these places. The contact I've had so far with professors and program coordinators gives me the vibe that they're more than a little interested in me.

2. I get to really investigate all these places before I make a decision. All the brochures proclaim their respective faculty as "dedicated", and programs as "innovative". At least this way, I get to make a fair comparison based on my first-hand impression with the department, instead of flowery adjectives and neat pictures. I want to come away from my visit with a feeling that this department cares about their students, gives them every opportunity they need while not breaking their backs, and offers a stimulating and exciting environment for research, faculty interaction, and life outside of school.

3. I get to compare stipends, etc. PhD students at the places I've applied usually make between $20-25K per year. I can live on that, no problem. A couple thousand can definitely make a difference though, plus all the extra benefits that I might get to take advantage of.

Why grad school? After I graduate this summer, a lot of my friends will be taking jobs behind desks that they don't really want. I love research and learning and I see no reason to stop now. Furthermore, I want to be someplace that challenges me. My internship at Roche Diagnostics last summer was a case-in-point of a job that looks swell on a resume, but was about as challenging and stimulating as MS Windows Solitare.

Anyway, now you know where to click to find out when I'm going where, who's accepted me, and what they're offering. My decisions on this matter will be a very predominant feature of this blog, and I'll be sure to keep updating and making posts on how my visits go and my decision-making process.

Introductions and Excuses

2004-01-09T14:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, yo. I know what you're thinking. Not long ago I swore up and down that I would not, under any circumstances, make a blog. But yet, here it is.

Damn, I'm such a sellout.

Don't get me wrong. I still think Blogging is an overblown fad and exists mainly for people who believe that what they think matters to someone. I'll make it clear right now that I'm a lot smarter than that. I still think the Hoosier Review sucks like Boy George in a Turkish prision.

This blog is a chronicle: I'm going to use it to document my final semester of college, which as I write this, begins in two days. For background on me, check my website (which I never update, but its got enough info and pictures to serve as an introduction).

Alright, well, seeing as this is my first post I need to figure out how to fix the rest of my personal preferences on Blogger. I'll write more later.

PS: Why is it that all the blog addresses I wanted were taken already by people who haven't posted anything since the last Osama Bin Laden videotape? Grr.